


can i?

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: jeno loves the sky. he loves how the colors change, he loves the fresh air and everything. but he hates this feeling inside his chest that a certain jaemin causes on him.





	can i?

Jeno and Jaemin were enemies since the seventh grade.   


 

  
  
It all started because of that place next to the classroom window. It was Jeno's favorite place, because he could see the park from there and it had the privileged view of the city and the sunset. He loved how the colors of the sky changed and the feeling of the city changing as well.   
  
The orange sky? he adored it because it made it looks that the city was in autumnal weather or late summer.   
  
The blue sky with several scattered clouds? he liked it too because the city seemed calm.   
  
The cloudy sky? He liked that too. The town seemed sad or like them wanted to be alone, just like him sometimes. And a little sadness is good, because he thought it reminded us that we were still human, so we are also weak sometimes. That we still had feelings even though we seemed cold.   
  
But Jeno's favorite sky was the slightly pink, with a little purple and orange together. Making the perfect match. Making the city seemed to be in love. Happy, fun, and he could spend hours and hours looking at that sky if he could. The small smile on the corner of his lips coming up whenever that sky visited the city.

But that smile turned into a frown.   


  
  
"hi, sorry but this is my place. can you please go sit in another chair?" Jeno tried to be as polite as possible, since he had never seen that kid in the class, so he was probably transferred.   
  
The boy raised an eyebrow and looked around the chair and the table, then he at Jeno with an unbothered expression, "i do not see your name here. so i'm going to sit here." He put on his headphones and lowered his head, leaning on his arms. Jeno could feel his blood turn into fire wanting to say something back, but since this was this boy's first day, he let it go.   


  
  
The next day Jeno tried to arrive earlier to get his place, but this new boy- who he learned by his friends to be called Jaemin, was already there. Everyday it was like a competition between him and Jeno. And it sometimes seemed that Jaemin only did it to mess with him, because Jeno could swear to that he saw Jaemin smile sarcastically after looking at his frown.

  
  
  
This keept going until their second year of high school.

Over the years the teasing had increased and between the class intervals, they were always arguing and their friends had to get in the middle and pull them away from each other before they lost their self-control and things jump to another level.

 

  
And it was in the middle of one of those discussions that Jaemin lost his control and pushed Jeno, causing him to hit his back against the window pin. He regretted it right away, but he didn't wanted to show it in his expressions. And this action, obviously made Jeno hit the edge of his limit. He stood up with one hand on his back where he was feeling pain, looking deep into Jaemin's eyes. His gaze was cold, dark and filled with anger. 

Seconds later he was walking into Jaemin's directiong and in a blink of an eye, he was holding Jaemin against the wall by the collar of his shirt. Jeno was biting his lips so hard that Jaemin, who was wide-eyed, saw the little blood come out of them.   
  
But that wasn't the only thing Jaemin noticed. He is almost- totally sure, that he saw Jeno's eyes watering.

 

"what the fuck is going on here?" The president of the class, Mark Lee, was standing in the doorway looking at the two boys, incredulous with the scene before his eyes "get out, now!" He shouted and pointed down the hall. Mark's expression was serious and intimidating. He wouldn't leave two teenagers in the edge of their emotions- that were obvious to anyone but themselves, who seemed to be the only ones unable to see and solve their problems, ruin the reputation of their school.

Jeno snorted before letting Jaemin go and then he leaved the room without looking at Mark. 

Jaemin was a little ashamed and embarrassed by what had just happened. He walked slowly toward Mark and whispered "i'm sorry" and continued his way from the hallway straight into the detention room. But before he could get out of his sight, Mark shouted his name and Jaemin turned with raised eyebrows. He walked over to Jaemin and sighed "it's not to me that you have to say sorry", Mark sounded calmer this time "just please... solve it. you don't have to become friends or anything if you don't want to, but please stop it" and Jaemin could feel his cheeks warming by embarrassment as he lowered his head, avoiding Mark's disappointment and concerned gaze.

"i don't know what is the problem between you and Jeno, and honestly i don't really wanna know. i just want you two to solve it and learn to live in peace." Mark put a hand on Jaemin's shoulder and squeezed it lightly, saying everything would be okay. "i'm saying this for your sake, okay? you two are my friends and i have to take care of you guys." Mark gave a slight smile and brought his hands to his pockets.   
  
Jaemin was thankful by Mark's words but now he was feeling even more ashamed of such behavior. He knew that the hatred between him and Jeno had already gone too far and he was thankful that Mark opened his eyes by being patient and trying his best to make things go well. He was grateful that Mark was his friend.

Jaemin returned the smile and nodded his head "thank you, Mark. i'll try to fix it. i promise," Jaemin assured him and excused himself once more before turning around and leaving Mark's sight.   
  
  
  
When Jaemin arrived in the detention room, Jeno was already in one of the back seats with his head lowered in his arms. Jaemin gave his name to the teacher and even before he could sit down, the teacher said that their punishment would be to stay until after class and clear the basketball court and the art room for one month.   
  
Jeno's chest burned just to imagine being locked for a month in the same space as Jaemin. His chest burned just by thinking that he would have to talk to him again. His chest was burning for so many reasons that not even know what they were.   
  
Jeno stood up quickly, signed his name and made his way to the art room without looking at the teacher or at Jaemin, who did the same and followed Jeno next.

"hey, Jen-" Jaemin was about to call him and apologize, but was surprised when Jeno suddenly stopped walking and Jaemin had to stop before their bodies could collide, "listen" his eyes were dark "that's all your fault. if you hadn't started all this, nothing would have happened and we might even have been friends but you ruined any chance for that to happen. so don't talk to me. i don't want to hear your voice", then Jeno turned his back on Jaemin and walked to the arts room.  
  
Jaemin ran a hand through his hair as he rolled his eyes. He knew it was his fault, but by way... apologize wouldn't be so simple. He took a deep breath before whispering _'you can do it'_ to himself, and followed Jeno into the room.

 

On the first day Jaemin and Jeno cleaned everything in silence and without even looking at each other- at least Jaemin was being discreet when he looked at Jeno from the corner of his eyes. But still, just the sound of them breathing and the things being cleaned could be listen.

  
The first week was like this, until the second week, Jaemin didn't showed up.   
  
On the first day Jeno didn't give much attention to that but grunted as he had to cleam things all by himself. "that idiot. he's doing it on purpose just to piss me off."   
  
  
But on the third day, Jeno couldn't deny the little worry that had come inside him when Jaemin hadn't appeared and no one seemed to hear from him. Even Jaemin's friends seemed to be avoiding talking about him. Then on the last day of the week, Jeno decided to get Jaemin's address with a teacher, saying that he would take the lessons and everything he had lost during the week.

 

Jeno went to his house but didn't have the courage to call him, so he just watched from a distance to see if there was any sign that Jaemin was there. As he watched from a distance, he saw a boy- a little older than him and Jaemin, enter the house and leave a few minutes later with a box in his hands and then walking away. Again, no sign of Jaemin. Jeno just sighed and left.   
  
  
In the third week, when Jeno entered the classroom, he saw that Jaemin's place was empty again so he thought Jaemin was still absence so he went to sit there. But when he looked into the back of the classroom, he saw Jaemin staring blankly at his notebook that was closed.

Jeno frowned and his lips parted a little. Jaemin looked sick and weak. He had dark bags under his eyes, looking like he had not slep properly for days. His skin was a little too pale and he looked extremely tired and wasn't paying attention even to his friends who were around him.   
  
Jeno saw him sigh and taking his hands to pull the hood of his sweater, when their eyes met and Jeno could see the emptiness in his gaze. The glow wasn't there. They stared at each other for a few seconds until Jaemin looked away and pulled the hood over his head, resting his arms on the table.

 

Jeno tried to pay attention in what the teachers were saying, but somehow he always ended up looking back at Jaemin. His mind was in Jaemin. He wondered what had happened and if it was somehow his fault, since it was he who tried to avoid Jaemin in the past days. He thought if perhaps Jaemin needed help and tried to appeal to him, but for acting like an idiot... he couldn't offer the what he needed.   
  
  
Thoughts and doubt were eating Jeno inside and he felt a little relief when the teacher told that the class could leave. While packing his things, he didn't even noticed that Jaemin had already left, but when he arrived in the art room, Jaemin was already there, starting to clean  up the mess. And Jeno's eyes softned when he saw him, so he walked in and start to help.

 

The silence was deafening. It was frustrating because it seemed like they both had something to talk about, but no one dared to start a conversation. They just keept exchanged looks.   
  
  
"why you didn't showed up last week?"   
  
"my mom"   
  
  
They spoke at the same time while they were with their backs to each other, and Jeno could not hide how relieved he was by hearing Jaemin's voice after so many days. But when he digested what he had heard, he frowned and turned to Jaemin who had his back still facing him "what do you mean?", Jeno said low, sounding confused.   
  
  
"that place near the window. it was where i could see my house perfectly and i could see the window of my mom's room" Jaemin sighed and turned to his body to face Jeno, but kept his head down with his eyes focused on the piece of paper he was holding "she was sick. very... sick", Jeno could hear a sniffle and frowned even more, "it was just me and her. i took care of her and since i couldn't go to the hospital all the time because it was too far, i talked to a doctor and he told me that it was okay if she stayed home but just if we have the right equipments for... you know, to keep her stable"

Jeno took a few steps toward Jaemin because his voice was getting low in each word that came out, and Jeno's chest was starting to hurt at the direction this story was taking.   
  
"she was fine. my cousin helped me take care of her when i had to stay after class, but... she- things, you know... i-" Jaemin's voice began to tremble and Jeno could see the tears falling while his body start to shake, and when Jeno saw that Jaemin was losing the strength in his knees and starting to fall to the ground, he walked fast and put him into his arms, holding him and asking him to calm down. And it was here that Jaemin collapsed on his shoulder and in his arms.

 

"i-i'm sorry for haven't come last week," Jaemin said through the sobs of his crying, "but i had to t-take care of her one last time".  It broke Jeno's heart. He knew what Jaemin meant and Jeno knew the pain he was feeling was unbearable, because he had already sensed it when he lost his father.   
  
  
"you don't have to apologize. you didn't do anything wrong. i-" Jeno was cut off by Jaemin pulling away from his embrace "i did. i just do the wrong things. i left you angry all this time, i made you and other people hate me, i couldn't take care of my mom properly, and-" now was Jaemin who was cut off by Jeno pulling a hand over his mouth, making Jaemin's eyes- that were full of tears, widen "shhh. do not ever say that again. you did your best and you took care of your mom the way you could. you have done your best and i have no doubt that she is grateful for all the your effort to take care of her. what happened is not your fault, Jaemin. so don't  say that again, do you understand me?" Jeno said with so much concern in his tone, and Jaemin just nodded as more tears streamed from his eyes.

Jeno pulled his hand slowly away from his mouth and Jaemin's chin trembled "i miss her," he whispered and Jeno couldn't back the tear that escaped from his eyes when he saw Jaemin so broken. "i know..." he said as he caressed Jaemin's cheek, trying to wipe away the tears that were falling. He brought Jaemin back into his arms, hugging him tight "i know. but you're going to be fine," he whispered as he made circles witcircles with his hands in Jaemin's back, trying to bring him some comfort and security "everything will be fine. it will take a time, but i promise things will get better and this pain in your chest will not hurt any more" he brought his other hand to Jaemin's hair and stroked it gently, feeling Jaemin grabbing his shirt, not wanting him to go away.

 

They both slid their bodies to sit on the ground, and Jeno allowed Jaemin to cry on his shoulder until he felt there were no more tears to fall. And so, he did. Jaemin screamed and sobbed, trying to punch the ground with one hand but Jeno held Jaemin's wrists in one hand and with the other, he kept him close, not letting go at any moment.

Jeno keept his closed just praying and asking any god to take that pain away from Jaemin. And when Jeno felt that he was a little calmer, hearing only the sniffles, he leaned away a little and brought a hand to Jaemin's face and leaned in, giving him a kiss. Jaemin's breath caught as he was taken aback and let a trembling sigh escape from his mouth as Jeno leaned away.

"i don't hate you. i never hated you" he whispered against Jaemin's lips and used his thumb to wipe away the last tears that had fallen. Jaemin's eyes were tightly closed as he tried to control his crying and digest what had just happened.   
  


  
Jaemin slowly opened his eyes and they were red just like the tip of his nose. He pouted and looked at Jeno as if looking for something in his eyes. "i worry about you more than you can imagine. i think about you more than you can imagine and i want to be on your side to take care of you, if you allow me", Jeno was being honest with his words. They weren't coming in precipitation, by pity or without thinking. They were coming from his heart with all the honesty he could offer to Jaemin at that moment. "can i? will you allow me to take care of you?" he asked, voice soft and Jaemin could feel his nerves relaxing as he saw the sincerity in Jeno's eyes.

And when his gaze drifted to Jeno's lips and he nodded, Jeno took it as a green light to lean in and close the little gap between their lips and kiss him again.   
  
The kiss was calm and slow. Jeno took care of every move he made because he was afraid that if he did something wrong, it might scare Jaemin. He stroked Jaemin's jaw gently and affectionately, and didn't press his lips too much into his. It was like Jaemin could break into his hands by so fragile that he was at that moment.   
  
Jeno made an attempt to make his way with his tongue and hesitated, but Jaemin gave him permission, so he did. And Jeno was like an anesthesia to Jaemin. Like a medicine that relieves your pain. Jaemin felt dizzy and like he was in the middle of the ocean being hit by light waves.

 

Jeno broke the kiss and kissed Jaemin's forehead "i promise you'll be fine," he whispered into his skin and Jaemin closed his eyes as he brought his hand to Jeno's jaw, caressing it lightly. They both leaned away and stared at each other for what seemed a eternity, until Jeno broke the silence. He  swallowed dry "i'm sorry" he brought a hand to Jaemin's chin and with his thumb, he traced his lower lip "i know i've never made things easier for us and acted like a jerk. nothing will justify the way i keep treating you in ways you didn't deserve. i also know i do not deserve to kiss you, but my heart keep telling me to do it and my mind always pushes me for you... to think of you every minute you're away. i worried so much about you when you didn't showed up. i felt so bad the times we fought and sometimes i ignored you when you tried to talk to me, and i thought it was my fault that you stayed away. i'm really sorry, Jaemin. can you forgive me? can you give me a change to treat you right?"

And Jaemin could feel a small relief leaving his chest. He was relieved to know that Jeno didn't hate him as he thought. He was relieved to know that his heart was not beating in vain for someone.   
  
  
Jaemin nodded his head, letting a "yes" escape as a whisper from his mouth. And Jeno hugged him tightly. So tightly as if he didn't want to risk loosing him for a second, afraid that Jaemin would either vanish... disappear or run away.   
  
  
"i promise that i will stay by your side, okay? i am here and i will not leave you. i will take care of you and we will overcome this together. i will help you... try to help you... decrease your pain. i'm gonna do what i can and even the impossible, to bring the smile and happiness back to you. and i assure you, Jaemin... your mom is proud of you" Jeno leaned away briefly to look into Jaemin's eyes "so you have to be strong for her... and for yourself" Jeno said as his hands gently held Jaemin's face.

 

And Jaemin wished he could be feeling strong enough mentally to think in all the words he wanted to say to Jeno at that moment to thank him, but he couldn't. His lips opened and closed several times and Jeno understood. And for him, Jaemin doesn't have to say anything. He just needs Jaemin to stay there, in his arms so he could take care of the one who melted his heart. The one whose eyes are full of colors and a glow more beautiful than any sky Jeno had ever seen, and he regret bitterly for admitting it so late. But Jeno was willing to make up for all the unnecessary harm he had brought to Jaemin's heart as they wasted time teasing each other. He was willing to bring the sun back to warm Jaemin again and shine in his sky again.

  
  


Jeno doesn't know exactly how he can do this and how long it will take, but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to him now, is to take care of the one who now, closes his eyes to fall asleep briefly in his arms as his heart tries to calm down, clinging into his shirt and face burried into his neck while his warm breath hits his skin. Jeno kissed his head and continued to whisper sweet words to help his heart calm down, and the moment Jaemin kissed his neck lightly, Jeno knew that nothing else mattered to him other than Jaemin. He doesn't know exactly when he started to feel this way towards Jaemin, he doesn't know when his heart started to beat fast and loud whenever he looked at him, he doesn't know exactly the day and year that he had fallen in love with him. But that he can love him, he wouldn't dare to lose the chance to bring happiness to his life.

**Author's Note:**

> please ignore any typos/grammar errors. it's late and i'm too lazy to check it. i just wanted to writing something to distract myself


End file.
